The Only Child Option

If you have an only child or are considering having an only child, chances are that you have heard some of the common stereotypes related to only children:

• monster
• spoiled
• can’t share
• overprotected
• domineering
• lonely
• self-centered

“Stereotypes are nothing more than a set of beliefs.  In the case of only children, they are a result of faulty thinking that leads to incorrect and unjustified generalizations,” says Frank Sulloway who has studied birth order for 26 years. According to Sulloway, only children are actually the least predictable group.

Most people stereotype because it is quick and convenient. People of childbearing age today who were raised to believe that only children are demanding, difficult and emotionally challenged, need to update their thinking after being exposed to the facts.  Being an only child 40 years ago had a completely different status than it does today.  Only children who were raised 40 years ago had different experiences than an only child being raised today.  Our entire culture has changed.

So why are more people only having 1 child today. Here are some of the most common answers:

1. Financial security - it’s simple math.

2. Children are an enormous time commitment - more children, more time.

3. 1 child is more manageable. I can personally attest to the chaos that reins when there are 3 children in the household. My 3 closest friends each have 3 children.

4. Children from multi-child families who felt they could never measure up to an older sibling are having only children.

4. Women are getting married later having already established themselves in a career - it is part of their identity. They don’t want to completely switch gears from career woman to stay at home mom. I had my first child at 32, having already worked at a pharmaceutical company for 7 years. I loved the industry and wanted to stay connected to it.

6. Women who are getting married in their 30’s and 40’s know themselves better than women in their early 20’s. They are less inclined to follow the advice of others and more inclined to make their own decision and stick to it.

7. Women have all their eggs at birth. The longer they wait to have children, the bigger the chance of having a miscarriage or a child with developmental defects. For example, the occurrence of Down’s Syndrome dramatically increases in the 3o’s. A woman at 35 has a 1 in 350 chance; a woman at 40 has a 1 in 40 chance. Many women are happy to have 1 healthy child and are unwilling to “press their luck.”

The times are changing. Trends are shifting from the days when a family with 6 children was the norm. These days it is much more common to see families with 1-3 children. Consider these statistics:

In 1972, 56% of people polled thought 3 or more children was ideal. In 1998, only 39% felt the same way.

In 1972, there were 8-9 million only children. In 1995, there were 13 million only children, and in 2000 there were 16 million only children. One child families outnumber 2 child families and have more more than a decade. Over 1/5 of all families have only 1 child.

So why is the trend moving toward smaller families? We can answer that question by asking another question…why did people have large families 100 years ago?

1. Many families ran farms and children were needed as extra hands for chores and responsibilities.

2. Infant mortality was much higher.

3. People got married younger and started having children at a younger age.

4. Women stayed home and raised a family…they never even considered going out into the workforce initially, let alone after the first child was born.

Let’s ask another question. Why are more people stopping with one child today?

1. Women are having careers before getting married and/or before having children. They have fewer childbearing years and therefore fewer opportunities for children.

2. 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce often before the second child is born.

3. 77% of women with children work. It is much easier to work with one child than 2 or more children. Women have found that they love being a mother, but they also love their job.

4. Having only 1 child allows greater financial fredeom and more opportunities for the family as a whole.