The Only Child Option

I have a friend who runs a child safety website called My Precious Kid.  She is an amazing lady and is truly committed to protecting children and keeping them safe.  On her website, she carries everything from car seats to stranger videos, sippy cups to safety locks, and everything else you can imagine.  Here are some of her main categories:

• Baby Feeding
• Baby Sleep
• Child ID Kits
• Child Safety
• Home Safety
• Safety Education
• Wearable ID

Go visit her and tell her Alicia from Beaded Royalty sent you!

We’ve all heard the stereotype…”only children are spoiled.”  Here’s a question for you – are they spoiled because a. they don’t have anyone at home to play with, b. it’s in their genes, or c. when mom and dad feel guilty about not providing a ready-playmate they give them everything they want and more?

I pick c.  I personally don’t have this problem because I have made a conscious decision to have just 1 child.  I don’t feel guilty and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of my decision.  It is the best decision for our family, and I am comfortable with it.  However, I think for parents that would like to have more children or who have opted not to have more for any number of reasons outside their control, things can become a substitute siblings.

I don’t think anyone ever sets out to spoil their child, but it is easy to do. I have thought long and hard about this one.  We have nice things, no debt and money to spare.  A lot of only-child families are in the same boat.  We were older when we got married, so we were more financially secure when we had Joshua.  I could easily buy Joshua every toy ever made for boys.   Granted, those who know me will giggle because Joshua has a well-stocked play room, however, he does not get things “just because.” He gets them:

• for his birthday and Christmas (which a 1 week apart – boo!)
• when he earns it (I reward a good attitude with points that he can save for a small toy)
• when he sells something he has outgrown – he gets to spend the money

He certainly would like more “stuff.”  Every time we pass Toys R Us, we get the puppy dog eyes. But he understands that we don’t buy things unless there is a reason.  Mom and dad don’t buy everything we want either.  When he is disappointed in not getting that cool toy advertised on TV, we tell him about the widescreen TV we would like to have for the bedroom wall that is not budgeted right now.  Or the deck that would complete our backyard that hasn’t materialized.  I think we are teaching a balanced view of life. That’s not to say I have it all figured out.  Every phase of his life will introduce a new set of circumstances that will have to be addressed.  The key is being aware of the potential for overindulgence and doing what you can to prevent it.

I have committed to blog once a day for 30 days.  I am tracking with another small business owner Kay Green at MyPreciousKid.com/blog.  My consistency has been less than optimal since I went back to work outside the home last June.  I am officially part-time (as of last week) and have a little more time on my hands.  Admittedly, I went part-time to spend more time with my son Joshua, but it will also give me a bit more flexibility in how I spend my evenings.  You get to enjoy the fruits of my labor.  See you tomorrow!

This summer has been an experiment…an experiment in chaos.  I went back to work (after being home 5 years) this past June.  I started looking for a job in April thinking it would take me all summer, and I got an offer right away.  Great news, except that I had to find care for Joshua during the summer.  One reason I went back to work is because he is in school full-time in the fall.  I wasn’t happy that I had to leave him early.  My husband works from home 2 days a week and grandma was happy to spoil him 1 day a week.  That left 2 days up in the air.  A long-time friend lives on the way to work, so we decided to try leaving Joshua with her…introduce chaos.

Beth has 3 children 11, 7, and almost 5.  She lives in a neighborhood full of kids and usually has no less than 5 at her house at any given time.  She does fine with it and since her children have always lived in that environment, they do well with it too.  Joshua…not so much.  He spent the first couple weeks in shock.  He held it together, but I could tell he wasn’t happy.  I was so close to putting him at his school in their summer camp program to give him the structure he craved.  I am glad I held out – we finished the summer strong.  He relaxed and started venturing outside his comfort zone.  He went to the park adjacent to their back yard and made new friends; he played with the kids across the street; he went in the “big pool” as opposed to the kiddie pool; he did arts and crafts, read books, did puzzles and actually had a great time (gasp!).

Growing up in an only-child family is different than growing up in a family with multiple kids.  Our house tends toward being calm and organized.  Joshua naturally prefers what he is used to – the activity at Aunt Beth’s house was uncomfortable for him in the beginning.  As we all know, life is not always calm and organized.  Our job as parents is to give our kids a safe environment in which to mature.  They will eventually leave the nest and the more preparation they have, the more successful they will be at this thing called life.

Here is a benefit for moms who don’t want to go back to work until the kid(s) are in school.  If you only have 1, the time frame is sooner.  My only child Joshua will be in school full-time in the fall.  He goes to a private school where Jr Kindergarten is full time.  Yes, they take naps.  No, they don’t get grades.  This school doesn’t even give letter or number grades until the 5th grade!  No pressure whatsoever.  He will take violin and Spanish, practice letters and writing and fill the front of my fridge with cool artwork!

I stopped working when I got pregnant.  I was out of the workforce exactly 5 years (almost to the day).  I started looking for a job this past April thinking with the economy what it is, it would take months to find a job.  Nope.  I got the first job I interviewed for, and it is exactly what I wanted.  It left me scrambling for summer child care since I didn’t expect to start working until school started again.  Everything ended up working out just fine.  Joshua is spending 2 days with Daddy who works from home Tues/Thur, 2 days with my best friend and her 3 kids, and 1 day with Grandma.

Isn’t it better to be home with your child(ren)?  It depends.  My personality leans toward workaholic-ism (is that even a word??).  My at-home business was actually taking me AWAY from my family since I was doing it all the time.  We decided for me to go to work and then be 100% home when I am home is better for us.   Joshua is learning about adapting to new situations and will be a more well-rounded child in the long run. My time with him is now focused and more special because it is limited.  All’s well that ends well.