The Only Child Option

I have been stymied over the last few years by the utter LACK of websites dedicated to only child parenting and realities of being an only child. NOW I know why – everyone is over at the only child discussion forums. LOL : )

I have spent the afternoon finding some active only child discussion forums, signing up and introducing myself. I am hoping some of the members come visit Only Child Option. The more people we have commenting and suggesting subject matter, the better we will be for everyone who stops by to visit. Here are a few to get you started:

Your Only Child at iVillage

Parents of an Only Child at SheKnows

Parents of Only Children at BabyCenter

Only Child Network at ProBoards

Have any other suggestions? Found some place where they really understand the only child dilemma? Tell us about it in the comments below!

What an eye-opener the last month has been for me…both as a parent and as a person. When I was growing up, I played softball in elementary school and then ran track and cross country through middle school, high school and college. Since I participated largely in individual sports, I never really seriously competed in a game where the object was to keep the ball away from an opponent.

Let’s face it. We spend years teaching our children how to share and not take things away from others. Then we send them out in the soccer field and tell them to steal the ball from the other team and run away with it! I can understand how this might be a little confusing for a 5 year old.

Being an only child further compounds the situation. Only children don’t have to fight for their toys – they are the only one there. Granted, Joshua has been in plenty of situations where he had to share, but always under supervision. If the kids started to fight when I was babysitting, I would only let it get so far before I intervened. Children with siblings have more opportunity to fight and “win” before mom and dad intervene. My brother and I tussled often and I quickly learned to defend my turf.

No worries, really. It has been a great experience. I can’t TELL you how wonderful it feels to see Joshua’s face light up when he blocks a ball or makes a solid kick. Encourage your children to try sports. It may not be for them, but they won’t know unless they try. I told Joshua from the beginning – we would finish this season out since he wanted to try it. Next season wold be 100% his choice. And who knows, “Joshie” just might like it!

Here is another fantastic video by Dr. Sylvia Gearing.  She really has a firm grasp on only child parenting and can give you a balanced view of things to watch out for and things to do that will help you as you parent an only child:

By Elaine Stephen

I am 52. Yes, it surprises me too!

My son is 7, adopted and an only child. Life is wild!

When I say wild, I don’t mean my life is chaotic and out of control. I mean it’s fun, busy, challenging, heart warming and humbling. Several times a day my son makes me proud, makes me laugh out loud, makes me angry and makes me feel inadequate.

When I was a teenager I wanted 6 children. Three of my own and 3 adopted. As I matured, married, didn’t get pregnant, and started to understand the financial realities of  raising and adopting children, I ended up with only one.

Parenting is challenging regardless of how many children you have. The difference lies in what the challenges are.

If I had 3 children I would have to worry about affording all the Christmas presents each of my children truly wants. With 1 child, I am concerned with how much is enough and not spoiling him.

If I had 3 children and one needed a diaper change, one was crying about his boo boo knee and one was sulking behind his bedroom door, I would wonder if all my children were getting all of the love and attention they needed all the time. With 1 child, I worry about being overbearing and not giving him enough emotional space.

With 3 children the complaint is, “Why can’t I have a room of my own?” With 1 child the complaint is, “Why can’t I have a brother to share my room?”

I could make this list much longer, but I think you get the idea. It’s not what life’s parenting challenges are, it’s how we solve them that counts. Everyday I pray for guidance in being the best parent I can possibly be. I ask the Lord for the right answers to my son’s questions, for patience, understanding, a heart full of love and joy and a body full of energy. Then I thank God for the wonderful blessing he bestowed on me. My one and only child.

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Elaine Stephen is a work at home Christian Mom who writes true stories and original poems on her blog Inspirational Christian Stories, Poems, Gifts at http://inspirationalgifts.blogspot.com. Elaine also sells inspirational gifts that express God’s word, Christ’s sacrifice and inspire Christian love, comfort and joy from her Inspirational Gift Gallery web site at http://storesonline.com/site/inspirationalgift. Finally, Elaine is a Scriptures business team member at http://scriptures.cc/162984.

My husband and I both went to public school.  We each got a good education and subsequently got good jobs.  There is certainly nothing wrong with the public school system as evidenced by our experience.  That being said, we have decided to send our only child to private school.  We feel private school offers just a little bit more than public school and it is is worth the expense. Having 1 child makes it more attainable…sending multiple children to private school can be like paying another mortgage.

He has been going to a PK3-12 private school for the last 2 years. We are very pleased with the administration, the program and the teachers at Harrisburg Academy.  The teachers and administration really care about his growth and development.  They are able to pay attention to his individual needs because the teacher-to-student ratio is 1:8 as opposed to 1:17 (national average).  I have had his teachers point things out I didn’t realize or reaffirm things I had noticed because they spend a full 7 hours a day with him.  They see them interact with other students and teachers on a daily basis while I only see him in his most comfortable place (at home).

He has made so many friends with different kinds of children (some shy like he is, some outgoing, some impish, etc).  There is no bullying in the classroom or on the playground.  The administration has no tolerance for it.  This is important to me as I experienced bullying as a child and could have gone my whole life without it.  I hear so many stories from friends whose children tell stories of “the class bully” or “I was bullied today on the playground” that it breaks my heart.  When 2 teachers are watching 100 children, they can hardly keep it from taking place.

He has opportunities to learn things that are not available in a public school setting.  He started Spanish in Jr Kindergarten.  He took lessons in violin. The end of school concert was a little hard to listen to without cringing (LOL!), but the fact that he knows how to hold a violin, stand on stage and perform is a great experience for him.

The downside to private school is that the kids in the neighborhood are not ready-made-friends.  Kids get to know each other while they are waiting at the bus stop.  I drive Joshua to school and while he has lots of friends there, they live all over the Central PA area and it isn’t as easy for them to get together to play.  Sure I can schedule play-dates, but it is a lot easier for him to go out to play in the yard with the neighbors than drive across town.  If your child or children are going to private school, keep that in mind.  Either strongly encourage them to go outside and make friends or accept the responsibility for getting together with other parents outside the neighborhood.  Now I need to go schedule a play-date!