The Only Child Option

…people ask “aren’t you going to have another child?”

First of all, a more important question – why do people feel they can ask such a personal question and then press their less-than-subtle opinion on us?   If you are the parent of an only child, you have heard the question before.  It is easier for those of us who have an only child by choice.  However, if your only child is not by choice, it can be especially painful.  When it comes to the subject of only children some people are just stuck in the dark ages – they check their reason and manners at the door.

It seems the older my son gets (he’s 5 1/2), the less I am asked.  Maybe they figure at this point I have made up my mind. Those of you with just one baby – look out – you are in their sights! Good grief!  It’s like asking a bald guy if he has ever considered hair replacement therapy. It just isn’t any of their business.

I digress.  Here are some cute quips and responses from the BabyCenter forum for Parents of Only Children*:

1. I’ll have one just for you. How would you like to pay, cash or charge?
2. You can have “just one.” They aren’t potato chips.
3. I don’t need to have more, you (or the Duggers) had extras.
4. Nope – your kids are my birth control.
5. The factory is closed and has been converted to an amusement park.
6. What’s wrong with the one I already have?
7. My first was perfect – why press my luck?
8. At my age, no way.
9. I had 4 kids, but I ate the others. (Dumb question begets a dumb response.)
10. We were planning to have more, but after spending time with yours we’ve changed our minds.
11. We’re good with one. We want to have the time and money for leisure, travel, and to spend one-on-one time with our child.
12. Will you be paying for diapers, daycare and college for the second child?
13. This isn’t the 1600′s. We don’t need to breed farm hands.
14. No…because having multiple children isn’t the only choice. : )

If you have additional suggestions or comments, please share!  : )

* Printed with permission.

I have been stymied over the last few years by the utter LACK of websites dedicated to only child parenting and realities of being an only child. NOW I know why – everyone is over at the only child discussion forums. LOL : )

I have spent the afternoon finding some active only child discussion forums, signing up and introducing myself. I am hoping some of the members come visit Only Child Option. The more people we have commenting and suggesting subject matter, the better we will be for everyone who stops by to visit. Here are a few to get you started:

Your Only Child at iVillage

Parents of an Only Child at SheKnows

Parents of Only Children at BabyCenter

Only Child Network at ProBoards

Have any other suggestions? Found some place where they really understand the only child dilemma? Tell us about it in the comments below!

What an eye-opener the last month has been for me…both as a parent and as a person. When I was growing up, I played softball in elementary school and then ran track and cross country through middle school, high school and college. Since I participated largely in individual sports, I never really seriously competed in a game where the object was to keep the ball away from an opponent.

Let’s face it. We spend years teaching our children how to share and not take things away from others. Then we send them out in the soccer field and tell them to steal the ball from the other team and run away with it! I can understand how this might be a little confusing for a 5 year old.

Being an only child further compounds the situation. Only children don’t have to fight for their toys – they are the only one there. Granted, Joshua has been in plenty of situations where he had to share, but always under supervision. If the kids started to fight when I was babysitting, I would only let it get so far before I intervened. Children with siblings have more opportunity to fight and “win” before mom and dad intervene. My brother and I tussled often and I quickly learned to defend my turf.

No worries, really. It has been a great experience. I can’t TELL you how wonderful it feels to see Joshua’s face light up when he blocks a ball or makes a solid kick. Encourage your children to try sports. It may not be for them, but they won’t know unless they try. I told Joshua from the beginning – we would finish this season out since he wanted to try it. Next season wold be 100% his choice. And who knows, “Joshie” just might like it!

We are in a recession. The President says we are coming out of it slowly. I, for one, don’t buy it. I think it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. We made our decision to have just 1 child long before the Fed’s economic policy caught up with itself, but the numbers don’t lie. I ran several calculators online to estimate how much it costs to raise a child. Conservative estimates are $220,000 through age 18. Ouch. It is important to note, this number does not include private education or college.

Single-child families do increase during times of economic difficulty. There was a 23% rise in only-child families during the Great Depression. This recession is going to shape whether or not women decide to have children as well. Maybe for you the jury is still out. 44% of women polled recently say they plan to reduce or delay their childbearing because of the economy. You would not be alone.

But, you might ask, isn’t that selfish? Deciding whether or not to have children based on how much they cost – how unfeeling and wrong. I don’t think so. In order to take care of your child(ren) you must first take care of yourself. Everyone was quick to criticize Octomom, Nadya Suleman, because she gave birth to 14 children despite her inability to provide for their basic needs. Why shouldn’t everyone take financial resources into consideration when deciding how many children to have?

Here is another fantastic video by Dr. Sylvia Gearing.  She really has a firm grasp on only child parenting and can give you a balanced view of things to watch out for and things to do that will help you as you parent an only child: