The Only Child Option

It is finally here!  I was one of the people interviewed for The Case for the Only Child by Susan Newman, PhD.  You have to read it!! It was actually released on June 1, 2011.  I pre-ordered it and got it the first week.  I have been trying to finish it so I could give a full review of the book, but my schedule just isn’t allowing me to read it fast enough.

I do want to let everyone know that there is a FAB new book on only child parenting out – The Case for the Only Child.  The first few chapters are amazing.  I will be posting as I come across nuggets while reading.  In the meantime, I leave you with my favorite quote from the book so far, having just one child is the “place in between children and childlessness.”  There is another option!

An only child success story from a friend…is this not one of the happiest children you have ever seen??

“I have been reading your only child blog and I feel for the woman who wants another, but her husband is not into it. I have always wanted another but my hubby wasn’t so sure.  Then once we decide to not prevent, nothing happened.  We took this as a sign that we are blessed and only meant for one. But I have to say, when your child is at the playground and another child asks your child about siblings and he easily responds “I’m an only child” it’s hard to hear. No big deal to him, but for me it almost brings tears to my eyes. I feel like he is missing something, which I know he doesn’t think. But as I discovered on vacation, the onlies find each other to play with. They also seem to realize they are more well-traveled and have more perks than some of their classmates. And as you know, onlies can be very happy not sharing their loved ones’ attention.”

By Elaine Stephen

I am 52. Yes, it surprises me too!

My son is 7, adopted and an only child. Life is wild!

When I say wild, I don’t mean my life is chaotic and out of control. I mean it’s fun, busy, challenging, heart warming and humbling. Several times a day my son makes me proud, makes me laugh out loud, makes me angry and makes me feel inadequate.

When I was a teenager I wanted 6 children. Three of my own and 3 adopted. As I matured, married, didn’t get pregnant, and started to understand the financial realities of  raising and adopting children, I ended up with only one.

Parenting is challenging regardless of how many children you have. The difference lies in what the challenges are.

If I had 3 children I would have to worry about affording all the Christmas presents each of my children truly wants. With 1 child, I am concerned with how much is enough and not spoiling him.

If I had 3 children and one needed a diaper change, one was crying about his boo boo knee and one was sulking behind his bedroom door, I would wonder if all my children were getting all of the love and attention they needed all the time. With 1 child, I worry about being overbearing and not giving him enough emotional space.

With 3 children the complaint is, “Why can’t I have a room of my own?” With 1 child the complaint is, “Why can’t I have a brother to share my room?”

I could make this list much longer, but I think you get the idea. It’s not what life’s parenting challenges are, it’s how we solve them that counts. Everyday I pray for guidance in being the best parent I can possibly be. I ask the Lord for the right answers to my son’s questions, for patience, understanding, a heart full of love and joy and a body full of energy. Then I thank God for the wonderful blessing he bestowed on me. My one and only child.

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Elaine Stephen is a work at home Christian Mom who writes true stories and original poems on her blog Inspirational Christian Stories, Poems, Gifts at http://inspirationalgifts.blogspot.com. Elaine also sells inspirational gifts that express God’s word, Christ’s sacrifice and inspire Christian love, comfort and joy from her Inspirational Gift Gallery web site at http://storesonline.com/site/inspirationalgift. Finally, Elaine is a Scriptures business team member at http://scriptures.cc/162984.

I wish those of you on the fence about whether to have an only child could see my son.  He is such a pleasure.  Today we painted the bedroom…he helped. : )  He was happy for the most part to play in my bedroom while I worked…I helped with his Legos when he needed it.

Tonight a friend came over.  Spencer is 9 (several years older than Joshua) and the younger of 2 children.  They had so much fun running around the house.  First they played with the completed Lego ships and then they played “Laser Tag”.  Joshua had no clue what “Laser Tag” was and was happy to follow Spencer’s directions.  Spencer who is the younger one at home was thrilled to be “teaching” Joshua a new game.   Joshua was happy to have someone to run and laugh and be silly with (besides mom and dad).

I am so blessed to have Joshua.  I could have read all the negative press about only children and tried for more children.  I am actually glad I didn’t.  Joshua completes our family.  He is a happy, well-balanced child and I thank God for him every day.

Social Psychologist Susan Newman, PhD speaks up on this subject in her recent Singletons blog post Mothers with One Child are Happiest.  I tend to agree with her – especially those moms with my temperament.  I mean, I was created to have 1 child:

• I am a perfectionist who likes my house clean, organized and relatively quiet.
• I like life to be predictable – children by nature are not.
• While I have many friends, only a few people know me well.
• One of my best friends has parties with 100+ people.  My perfect gathering is less than 15.

My son is such a great kid.  He’s smart, well-balanced and funny.  I hear about people who have a second child because their first was so easy.  Inevitably, they end up with a wild-child.  I am no longer willing to take that risk.  How many kids = happiness for me? One.