The Only Child Option

This story was submitted by Donna Bowness-Belyea of Trinity on the Ocean. Thanks Donna!

I had a wonderful childhood as an only child. People think that you have to have siblings to be happy. WRONG………….If you have great role models, as I had you can be joyously happy and grow up a very secure, well-rounded child. People seem to think you are a spoiled brat when you’re an “only”, no so……I was brought up quite strictly and as I look back now, I realize much more so than most of my multiple family friends. No only do you get all the attention, but when you do something wrong you have no one to blame.

My parents were very loving, sharing, and affectionate….both to me and others.  Let me give you just a little insight into what I mean. My freshman year in high school, I had a group of friends that were always at the house and we loved to go to the ball games together. My Dad was a successful building contractor in our area and so he bought a 10 passenger station wagon to take us all to the games and did so for all four years. The rest of the girls were from multiple families and I feel he was able to do this because he didn’t have to raise other kids. Generosity was a description of my parents in every sense of the word. They were generous with their love, time, help, monies, education. Being an only, it was easier for them to help me with studying,for their time was concentrated on me. When it came to college,it was still easier for their funds only had to go in one direction. All around it seemed easier, even to the point that I loved it so much and could see how being an only child was wonderful that I had an only child myself.

If you ask me if being an only child and raising an only child was something I’d recommend, I’d say yes. Is that selfish? No, it’s not, I knew my limits, I had heard the bickering from siblings of others for years of all my friends,and seen the strains on the wallets of the parents and decided one was enough to raise and be able to give her all the love and attention I had .

Donna Bowness-Belyea
http://www.trinityontheocean.com/

This story was submitted by the site owner, Alicia E Staz.

I suppose my story should have been the first one, but life happens to be crazy right now. How can life be crazy for a stay-at-home mom with only 1 child, you ask? Here’s how…I am a medical writer from home ~20 hours a week, I own a very busy retail website Beaded Royalty, I write for my Handmade Sterling Jewelry Blog, and (last but CERTAINLY not least) I take care of a little girl who is the same age as my son 4 days a week.

All of that said, raising my son to be a well-balanced adult is my top priority. Joshua is only 2 1/2 so I don’t have much history or experience at raising an only child. However, I have read several books about the subject and am committed to learning everything I can. I will add the books to the resources section this week so you can benefit from them as well.

The first and most obvious thing I do for my son is to take care of another child his age - Brynn is an only child too. I can’t tell you the number of times I have been asked “are they twins?” when I am out with them. I have to say “no, but they sure act like it!”. They play like siblings and fight like siblings. After all, they have been together since Joshua as 7 months and Brynn was 9 months. They are both “onlies” but neither knows it. They have to share, get along when they don’t necessarily feel like it and go places together. The room in my house that Brynn sleeps in is “Brynn’s Room.” I plan to take care of Brynn until they are both in school to allow them to benefit from each other’s company.

Brynn’s mom jokes that she pays me to have a playmate for Joshua. However, on days when they are both in bad moods and bickering all day, I would GLADLY trade places with her and return to corporate America. LOL

This story was submitted by Caren Cohen of DJ Baby. Thanks Caren!

I’m an only child. At 35 all I have heard all my life is how I don’t ‘seem’ like an only. I truly think the difference was having lots of opportunities to socialize all my life. My parents made sure I had lots of play dates, did after school activities etc. Also when I was older (9) I started sleep away camp. Being in a bunk with 10 other girls for a month at a time taught me to share, take care of myself, and made me very independent.

There is nothing at all wrong with having an only child. Each family is a choice. Any child who is raised in a wonderful loving environment will flourish. I never thought I missed out on anything, I never knew what there was to miss out on!

Caren Cohen
www.djbabyclothing.com
Original Clothing for Original Kids

This story was submitted by Anne Clark of Usborne Books. Thanks Anne!

While having just one child wasn’t my initial plan, it was clearly the Universe’s plan, and I wouldn’t trade our family of three for anything!

After 4 years of trying, tests, and treatments, we conceived via assisted insemination with injectable fertility drugs - yea, that was fun. NOT!! Our son, Eric, is the greatest blessing of our lives - however, our marriage nearly didn’t survive. Neither my husband nor I want to get on that fertility ‘roller coaster’ again.

Eric is now 8 1/2, and he is kind, independent, affectionate, bright, and funny. He’s got his dad’s sensitivity and my sarcasm. The three of us make a great team. Each of us gets alone time, time as a family, and one-on-one time with each other. Eric & I have coffee dates, play games, and share a Webkinz obsession. He & Dad play video games, go on bike rides, and talk about cars. Dad & I get quiet reading time and occasional Date Nights.

At this point, I feel a baby would throw off the entire dynamic. Occasionally I wish I could be pregnant again - I loved it the first time! - or I yearn for a baby to hold. Then I spend a few hours with my toddler niece, and though I love every minute, I’m happy to return to my calmer, less chaotic world. At this point, I don’t want to ’start over’ - night feedings, baby proofing, a completely dependent child…

And Eric understands that giving him a sibling would mean a lot of stress on all of us, and it would take away a lot of our our time, energy, and money that goes to other things now. We’re a happy trio, and we’re all grateful for that.

Thank you for drawing attention to the fact that being an only child is not a bad thing, nor are only children spoiled & selfish brats!

Anne Clark, Independent Educational Consultant
Usborne Books at Home
www.BestFamilyBooks.com