The Only Child Option

It is finally here!  I was one of the people interviewed for The Case for the Only Child by Susan Newman, PhD.  You have to read it!! It was actually released on June 1, 2011.  I pre-ordered it and got it the first week.  I have been trying to finish it so I could give a full review of the book, but my schedule just isn’t allowing me to read it fast enough.

I do want to let everyone know that there is a FAB new book on only child parenting out – The Case for the Only Child.  The first few chapters are amazing.  I will be posting as I come across nuggets while reading.  In the meantime, I leave you with my favorite quote from the book so far, having just one child is the “place in between children and childlessness.”  There is another option!

An only child success story from a friend…is this not one of the happiest children you have ever seen??

“I have been reading your only child blog and I feel for the woman who wants another, but her husband is not into it. I have always wanted another but my hubby wasn’t so sure.  Then once we decide to not prevent, nothing happened.  We took this as a sign that we are blessed and only meant for one. But I have to say, when your child is at the playground and another child asks your child about siblings and he easily responds “I’m an only child” it’s hard to hear. No big deal to him, but for me it almost brings tears to my eyes. I feel like he is missing something, which I know he doesn’t think. But as I discovered on vacation, the onlies find each other to play with. They also seem to realize they are more well-traveled and have more perks than some of their classmates. And as you know, onlies can be very happy not sharing their loved ones’ attention.”

Here is an email from one of our site visitors. I asked if I could share it since it seems to reflect a common viewpoint.

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I just wanted to thank you for your website!

I have one daughter who is 3 and a half years old now and is our only child. My husband really doesn’t want another child and so I’m slowly coming to terms with this fact. Unlike you and your husband, we didn’t realize this would be the case when we got married. In fact, my hubby didn’t even know until the birth of our little girl. He was so taken aback by the whole change in life and really can’t face going back to those difficult first few months.

I was desperate for another child with the hopes of them having a loving caring relationship like I have with my sister. I never thought I wouldn’t have that, I always thought I would have 2 (preferably girls) that would grow and play together with a life time bond that only they could share. Someone to share all their memories with. Someone to call on whenever she’s needed with unconditional love. My husband is the youngest of 4 and told me that as a child he frequently imagined being an only child. I never had a thought like that, not once.

I am now living in Canada and my sister lives in England. I miss her terribly especially now she’s expecting her first baby this coming summer. Already, there is a good reason for my daughter to be an only child – no emotional ties holding her back! She’ll have the freedom to explore our world and make memories for her to cherish but still, I’m having difficulties with this decision.

I am finding it harder and harder as all of our friends start having their second and then even talking about a third! Especially those moms that head straight back to work or are just doing it for the sake of “the norm”. My mum was an only child, as was my mother-in-law and they are the worst at judging and putting their tuppence worth in!

I am looking forward to reading through your website and finding comfort in yours’ and other peoples positive views )

Beckie

Times are a-changing. Take a moment and mentally take a walk through your child’s class (if they are in school). You may not know each of them personally, but try to list the ones who are only children. I think you will be surprised. If you can’t do it yourself, ask the teacher. I went through my son’s class a couple weeks ago. In a class of 15, there are 9 only children! Granted, he is in a private school where only children are a bit more prevalent, but that is amazing to me. Also, he is in Kindergarten, so some of them may still end up with siblings. However, at this point unless there are extenuating circumstances, siblings aren’t generally planned to be 6+ years apart.

This is just my personal experience, but I think it is telling. Even if you assume that the ratio overall is half that of a private school, you would still come up with 1 in 3 being only children. We are just one step closer to achieving “normal” status for the only child. Very cool!

…people ask “aren’t you going to have another child?”

First of all, a more important question – why do people feel they can ask such a personal question and then press their less-than-subtle opinion on us?   If you are the parent of an only child, you have heard the question before.  It is easier for those of us who have an only child by choice.  However, if your only child is not by choice, it can be especially painful.  When it comes to the subject of only children some people are just stuck in the dark ages – they check their reason and manners at the door.

It seems the older my son gets (he’s 5 1/2), the less I am asked.  Maybe they figure at this point I have made up my mind. Those of you with just one baby – look out – you are in their sights! Good grief!  It’s like asking a bald guy if he has ever considered hair replacement therapy. It just isn’t any of their business.

I digress.  Here are some cute quips and responses from the BabyCenter forum for Parents of Only Children*:

1. I’ll have one just for you. How would you like to pay, cash or charge?
2. You can have “just one.” They aren’t potato chips.
3. I don’t need to have more, you (or the Duggers) had extras.
4. Nope – your kids are my birth control.
5. The factory is closed and has been converted to an amusement park.
6. What’s wrong with the one I already have?
7. My first was perfect – why press my luck?
8. At my age, no way.
9. I had 4 kids, but I ate the others. (Dumb question begets a dumb response.)
10. We were planning to have more, but after spending time with yours we’ve changed our minds.
11. We’re good with one. We want to have the time and money for leisure, travel, and to spend one-on-one time with our child.
12. Will you be paying for diapers, daycare and college for the second child?
13. This isn’t the 1600′s. We don’t need to breed farm hands.
14. No…because having multiple children isn’t the only choice. : )

If you have additional suggestions or comments, please share!  : )

* Printed with permission.