I am 52. Yes, it surprises me too!

My son is 7, adopted and an only child. Life is wild!

When I say wild, I don’t mean my life is chaotic and out of control. I mean it’s fun, busy, challenging, heart warming and humbling. Several times a day my son makes me proud, makes me laugh out loud, makes me angry and makes me feel inadequate.

When I was a teenager I wanted 6 children. Three of my own and 3 adopted. As I matured, married, didn’t get pregnant, and started to understand the financial realities of  raising and adopting children, I ended up with only one.

Parenting is challenging regardless of how many children you have. The difference lies in what the challenges are.

If I had 3 children I would have to worry about affording all the Christmas presents each of my children truly wants. With 1 child, I am concerned with how much is enough and not spoiling him.

If I had 3 children and one needed a diaper change, one was crying about his boo boo knee and one was sulking behind his bedroom door, I would wonder if all my children were getting all of the love and attention they needed all the time. With 1 child, I worry about being overbearing and not giving him enough emotional space.

With 3 children the complaint is, “Why can’t I have a room of my own?” With 1 child the complaint is, “Why can’t I have a brother to share my room?”

I could make this list much longer, but I think you get the idea. It’s not what life’s parenting challenges are, it’s how we solve them that counts. Everyday I pray for guidance in being the best parent I can possibly be. I ask the Lord for the right answers to my son’s questions, for patience, understanding, a heart full of love and joy and a body full of energy. Then I thank God for the wonderful blessing he bestowed on me. My one and only child.

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Elaine Stephen is a work at home Christian Mom who writes true stories and original poems on her blog Inspirational Christian Stories, Poems, Gifts at http://inspirationalgifts.blogspot.com. Elaine also sells inspirational gifts that express God’s word, Christ’s sacrifice and inspire Christian love, comfort and joy from her Inspirational Gift Gallery web site at http://storesonline.com/site/inspirationalgift. Finally, Elaine is a Scriptures business team member at http://scriptures.cc/162984.

The only-children myth started in 1896 when Granville Hall did a study where he concluded that only children where “oddballs and peculiar”.  Psychologists disseminated and supported his research for years, until the 1970′s when Toni Falbo did a huge study with tens of thousands of only children in China and the US.  Her conclusions were different.  Yes, only children get everything their parents have to give since they are the only one on the receiving end, but they also scored higher on intelligence and achievement for the same reason – more concentrated resources and opportunities.

My favorite part of the article is a quote by psychologist Carl Pickhardt, who says, “There’s no question that only children are highly indulged and highly protected. You’ve been given more attention and nurturing to develop yourself. But that’s not the same thing as being selfish. On balance, that level of parental involvement is a good thing. All that attention is the energy for your self-esteem and achievement.” But, he adds, “everything is double-edged. And everything is formative.”  As with everything in life, there are pluses and minuses to having just one child.  For our family, the pluses outweigh the minuses.  However, I have friends who feel differently and who raise a larger family successfully.

He has been going to a PK3-12 private school for the last 2 years. We are very pleased with the administration, the program and the teachers at Harrisburg Academy.  The teachers and administration really care about his growth and development.  They are able to pay attention to his individual needs because the teacher-to-student ratio is 1:8 as opposed to 1:17 (national average).  I have had his teachers point things out I didn’t realize or reaffirm things I had noticed because they spend a full 7 hours a day with him.  They see them interact with other students and teachers on a daily basis while I only see him in his most comfortable place (at home).

He has made so many friends with different kinds of children (some shy like he is, some outgoing, some impish, etc).  There is no bullying in the classroom or on the playground.  The administration has no tolerance for it.  This is important to me as I experienced bullying as a child and could have gone my whole life without it.  I hear so many stories from friends whose children tell stories of “the class bully” or “I was bullied today on the playground” that it breaks my heart.  When 2 teachers are watching 100 children, they can hardly keep it from taking place.

He has opportunities to learn things that are not available in a public school setting.  He started Spanish in Jr Kindergarten.  He took lessons in violin. The end of school concert was a little hard to listen to without cringing (LOL!), but the fact that he knows how to hold a violin, stand on stage and perform is a great experience for him.

The downside to private school is that the kids in the neighborhood are not ready-made-friends.  Kids get to know each other while they are waiting at the bus stop.  I drive Joshua to school and while he has lots of friends there, they live all over the Central PA area and it isn’t as easy for them to get together to play.  Sure I can schedule play-dates, but it is a lot easier for him to go out to play in the yard with the neighbors than drive across town.  If your child or children are going to private school, keep that in mind.  Either strongly encourage them to go outside and make friends or accept the responsibility for getting together with other parents outside the neighborhood.  Now I need to go schedule a play-date!

I try to be honest about only child parenting.  Most of the time I write about positive experiences since most of my experiences are positive (I am a little biased).  However, this weekend has been challenging and I thought I would write on the trials of only child parenting.

My son Joshua needs a little more attention than some only children.  He has amblyopia – neurological lazy eye.  It means that his left eye is not being utilized by his brain – his right eye is 20/20 and his left eye is 20/200. We have until he is around 7-years old to get his brain to use his left eye or he will not have sight in his left eye or depth perception for the rest of his life (he’s 5 1/2).  He is being treated by an excellent ophthalmologist.  The treatment is either patching or putting dilating drops in the good eye to force his brain to use the weak eye. Recently, he went to wearing a patch on his good eye 3 1/2 hours a day.  Imagine having 20/200 vision.  The doctor put a glass over my eye once so I would know what Joshua is experiencing. Ugh!  On top of that, he has to do things that use his close-up vision because that works the brain the best.  Consequently, he needs “help” with almost everything he does.  If he is building with Legos, he needs help finding pieces, if he is coloring, he needs help finding colors, etc.  I also read to him, we play board games, etc.  In short, he needs concentrated attention.  I have found myself thinking more than once over the last few days that I wish I had another child so I could tell them to go play.  I know there are other challenges that go along with having multiple children but it would be nice to have a ready playmate for Joshua right now.  Would I change my situation for anything in the world?  Nope, not even for a ready-playmate, but thought has crossed my mind recently so I thought I would share.

Anyone have similar experiences and want to comment?  I have opened comments to readers as long as your register, so feel free to share your thoughts.

Tonight a friend came over.  Spencer is 9 (several years older than Joshua) and the younger of 2 children.  They had so much fun running around the house.  First they played with the completed Lego ships and then they played “Laser Tag”.  Joshua had no clue what “Laser Tag” was and was happy to follow Spencer’s directions.  Spencer who is the younger one at home was thrilled to be “teaching” Joshua a new game.   Joshua was happy to have someone to run and laugh and be silly with (besides mom and dad).

I am so blessed to have Joshua.  I could have read all the negative press about only children and tried for more children.  I am actually glad I didn’t.  Joshua completes our family.  He is a happy, well-balanced child and I thank God for him every day.