Often, when people trying to convince me having an only child is the wrong choice exhaust all the traditional (and now debunked) myths, they try a different tactic:

“You’re just selfish.”

Why? Because I acknowledge my inability to give any more of who I am to another person? They say you can’t get blood from a turnip. Just because children are the ultimate sacrifice doesn’t mean that I am selfish when I decide to stop at one sacrifice. I know my limits. I like my life. I have time and energy for my husband, my son, a part-time job that gets me out with adults using my degree, and a clean house where the laundry is done (most of the time!). I like that I can offer my child the opportunity of private school.

Richard Swenson wrote “Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives.” Just because I CAN add another child to my family, doesn’t mean I SHOULD. We live our lives racing from one thing to another. My life has enough of that without adding another little life to the mix. I went from full-time work outside the home to part-time because I didn’t have any “margin.” I didn’t have enough time to work full-time and feel I spent adequate time with my precious son. Could I quit my job entirely and have another child? Probably, but then we would have LESS resources and MORE responsibilities.

Being realistic about what I can handle and afford (without going into debt) is not selfish. It is simply another argument used by those who think having multiple children is the only choice.