What do you say when your only child asks why?  Is there a way to prevent your only child from asking that question in the first place – or at least being so focused that they ask over and over?

Young children think they are the center of the universe…in a way they are.  Their needs are met by their parents unequivocally.  They do not hold jobs, they have have a roof over their heads, clothing on their backs, a room to sleep in that is their own, etc.  So it follows that their reality is THE reality.  As long as their reality is a pleasant one, many won’t question it.  Make sure that your child is secure in their oneness.  But how do you do that?

One key is for you to be secure in their oneness (or at least in their eyes).  Singletons who live in a home where the parents are satisfied with 1 child are more likely to be satisfied being an only child themselves.  Singletons who live in a home with parents who are vocal about their desire to have more children, are more likely to be dissatisfied being alone and to question the reason(s).  If you are still considering whether to more children, keep the decision-making process between you and your spouse.  Don’t involve the child or let them overhear you talking about it.

Another key is to refrain from placing all your “needs” on them. Whatever you do, don’t tell your child that since they are the only child, they have to meet your needs for closeness, time and attention, etc.  Children are not equipped to handle this type of responsibility and it will make them resent the fact that they don’t have a sibling with whom to share the burden.  They are more likely to ask why they don’t have siblings when it is uncomfortable for them to be an only child.

So what do you say when they DO ask?  …and they will ask. First, consider the age of the child.  A 4-year old does not need to be told the nuances of fertility treatments or the expense of having multiple children.  Nor do they need to know that your temperament doesn’t lend itself to a large family.  Simply tell them that mommy and daddy decided the best option for your family is 1 child and that you are happy with your decision.  An older child with questions may be able to understand the details, but in either case, be sure to outline several positive characteristics of an only child family.