The Only Child Option

I have a friend who runs a child safety website called My Precious Kid.  She is an amazing lady and is truly committed to protecting children and keeping them safe.  On her website, she carries everything from car seats to stranger videos, sippy cups to safety locks, and everything else you can imagine.  Here are some of her main categories:

• Baby Feeding
• Baby Sleep
• Child ID Kits
• Child Safety
• Home Safety
• Safety Education
• Wearable ID

Go visit her and tell her Alicia from Beaded Royalty sent you!

We’ve all heard the stereotype…”only children are spoiled.”  Here’s a question for you – are they spoiled because a. they don’t have anyone at home to play with, b. it’s in their genes, or c. when mom and dad feel guilty about not providing a ready-playmate they give them everything they want and more?

I pick c.  I personally don’t have this problem because I have made a conscious decision to have just 1 child.  I don’t feel guilty and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of my decision.  It is the best decision for our family, and I am comfortable with it.  However, I think for parents that would like to have more children or who have opted not to have more for any number of reasons outside their control, things can become a substitute siblings.

I don’t think anyone ever sets out to spoil their child, but it is easy to do. I have thought long and hard about this one.  We have nice things, no debt and money to spare.  A lot of only-child families are in the same boat.  We were older when we got married, so we were more financially secure when we had Joshua.  I could easily buy Joshua every toy ever made for boys.   Granted, those who know me will giggle because Joshua has a well-stocked play room, however, he does not get things “just because.” He gets them:

• for his birthday and Christmas (which a 1 week apart – boo!)
• when he earns it (I reward a good attitude with points that he can save for a small toy)
• when he sells something he has outgrown – he gets to spend the money

He certainly would like more “stuff.”  Every time we pass Toys R Us, we get the puppy dog eyes. But he understands that we don’t buy things unless there is a reason.  Mom and dad don’t buy everything we want either.  When he is disappointed in not getting that cool toy advertised on TV, we tell him about the widescreen TV we would like to have for the bedroom wall that is not budgeted right now.  Or the deck that would complete our backyard that hasn’t materialized.  I think we are teaching a balanced view of life. That’s not to say I have it all figured out.  Every phase of his life will introduce a new set of circumstances that will have to be addressed.  The key is being aware of the potential for overindulgence and doing what you can to prevent it.

Here we are in the first full week of the summer and already I have heard the phrase “I’m bored” 500 times.  Well – maybe not quite that many times – but it sure seems like it.  You may be tempted to say it is my own fault for having just 1 child – if my son had siblings he wouldn’t be bored.  I don’t think it has anything to do with how many siblings a child does or doesn’t have…”I’m bored” is a 4-letter phrase to all parents.

What is your child trying to tell you?  In this age of computers, iPods, Wii and 800+ channels on the TV, kids can’t really be bored, can they?  A small child might really need help in finding another activity to engage in.  An older child may want your attention. My 5 YO son has hundreds of different activities he can do on his own, but he still came to me (usually when I was working at my computer) “bored”.  We had lunch, played UNO, washed my car, and played a cool space police game on lego.com.  In between activities he would play alone and then come back to me “bored.”  Does he want my attention or is he just so used to being entertained that he doesn’t know what to do when the TV and computer are off?

What do you do about it?

1. Try planning a really fun activity outside the house once a week.  A mini vacation from home if-you-will…spend the day at the pool, go to a museum, or go to the zoo.
2. Try planning the day in blocks.  That is, after all, how it is at school.  They know what to expect next and it keeps them engaged.  Younger children may need a pictorial guide to the day – older children will do fine with a list.  Keep an arsenal of activity papers, stickers, books and other activities ready. Put activities in a jar and let them pick when they need a new activity.  Here are some ideas:

• Make a card for daddy, grandma, grandpa, etc.
• Make a fort and then have lunch in it.
• Give them a magnet and tell them to make a list of things that stick.
• Two words – sidewalk chalk!
• Get involved in the summer reading program at your local library – many times prizes may motivate an older child.
• Let them help you cook – it may try your patience (like it sometimes does mine) – but they LOVE it!  You have to do it anyway, they may as well learn while you are at it.
• Bubbles.
• Lay in the grass and watch the clouds for fun shapes.

The possibilities are endless.  You don’t have to spend the whole day entertaining them, but children do need some direction. They are kids. : )

For the times when nothing piques their interest, chances are only “you” will do.  Even though your to-do list is probably as long as mine, plan to take long breaks to play every day.  Even kids with siblings want mom and dad’s attention.

I have committed to blog once a day for 30 days.  I am tracking with another small business owner Kay Green at MyPreciousKid.com/blog.  My consistency has been less than optimal since I went back to work outside the home last June.  I am officially part-time (as of last week) and have a little more time on my hands.  Admittedly, I went part-time to spend more time with my son Joshua, but it will also give me a bit more flexibility in how I spend my evenings.  You get to enjoy the fruits of my labor.  See you tomorrow!

Susan Newman, PhD has done it again…another great article.  This one tickled my funny bone.  In her latest post Coins, Warts, Asthma, Eczema, she discusses some “research” (if you can call it that) designed to show only children in a negative light.  Maybe it is just me, but asthma and eczema can’t possibly have anything to do with whether a child has a sibling or not.  My son was diagnosed with both maladies before he was even 1 AND we were still thinking about another child at that point.  For heavens sake people, at least come up with something that is hard to disprove.  Asthma?  It is a genetic disorder passed down through family members and caused by environmental irritants.  My mom has it, I have it and my son has it.  End of story.  If I had more children, they would likely have it.  At least I got a good laugh out of it. : )