The Only Child Option

Social Psychologist Susan Newman, PhD speaks up on this subject in her recent Singletons blog post Mothers with One Child are Happiest.  I tend to agree with her – especially those moms with my temperament.  I mean, I was created to have 1 child:

• I am a perfectionist who likes my house clean, organized and relatively quiet.
• I like life to be predictable – children by nature are not.
• While I have many friends, only a few people know me well.
• One of my best friends has parties with 100+ people.  My perfect gathering is less than 15.

My son is such a great kid.  He’s smart, well-balanced and funny.  I hear about people who have a second child because their first was so easy.  Inevitably, they end up with a wild-child.  I am no longer willing to take that risk.  How many kids = happiness for me? One.

To be someone’s Valentine is to be loved by another. Romantic? Of course, but Valentine’s Day is not the sole property of loving couples. It can also be a wonderful day for loving families.

Here are some ways parents can use Valentine’s Day to introduce new family traditions and create some special memories for their children.

1. Food is often the way to the heart. How about getting the whole family involved in making a heart-shaped meal. Place a cookie cutter into a pan. Pour in an egg or some pancake batter to cook into a heart-shaped breakfast treat. Using a heart-shaped template, trim French toast or sandwiches into a heart-shaped lunch. A larger template can make a Valentine’s Day pizza a favorite dinner or evening treat. And don’t forget the heart-shaped cookies. Get the kids involved in the preparations, and let them decorate their heart-shaped goodies with pink sprinkles or red strawberries. They’ll love it that much more.

2. Kids love a Valentine’s fashion show. Have each participant, including Mom and Dad put together an outfit from items found around the house. The only rule is that the models can only wear white, pink or red. Get creative – a silk flower bonnet, a white tablecloth evening gown, a red sports equipment ensemble. Help younger ones who are unable to do it themselves. Then, invite Grandma and Grandpa to see the crazy ideas everyone has come up with to showcase their Valentine’s spirit.

3. Create a family gift that will keep on giving. Work together to create a jar of special notes — include anything that will make the other people in the family feel loved when they read them (a special memory about a great time together as a family, a meaningful poem or quote, something you love about every member of the family). Work on them individually or together. Then, over the next several months pull one from the jar during family nights and share it.

4. Set up a Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt. Hide Valentine’s treats around the house with clues that lead family members from one spot to the next. This is an easy game to modify for children of different ages simply by setting different levels of difficulty for the clues.  Little ones can be given pictures and older children can follow written clues.

5. Instead of giving gifts, make “coupons” for each other. Every person could give one or two coupons to every member of the family to redeem whenever they want. Parents could exchange back rubs or a night off from the dishes. To their children, they can give an extra bedtime story, a special meal or treat. Children can make coupons up for their parents for hugs and kisses or a week of taking out the garbage.

Get creative. Put on your thinking caps and you can make great Valentine’s Day memories your family will treasure forever.

About the Author:
Jennifer Kirkpatrick is a busy mom of two and an entrepreneur who creates and sells unique items for kids of all ages. Visit her online store Pipsqueak Boutique for great baby gifts. And check out her clothing line, Define*Me Clothing for fun personalized kids clothes.

On 01-01-10 my little boy will be 5 years old.  My goodness – where has the time gone?  It seems like just yesterday he was learning to walk.  I know, I know, I will be saying that my whole life! LOL

I went back to work 7 months ago and I feel like I am missing a lifetime of experiences with Joshua.  I drop him off at school in the morning and get home 12 hours later.  Do I love my job? Yes!  Am I glad I have a job in the current economy?  Yes!  Do I miss my son?  Yes!  Such is the quandary so many of us find ourselves in these days.  I thought with him in school full-time, I would be free to go back to work full-time.  My job extends past his school day and during the summer so it has been a tug-of-war with my heart since the day I started.

Ladies, don’t take the decision to go back to work lightly.  I did – I had no idea how much it would change my life.  Staying home isn’t for everyone.  Some people are wired to work outside the home and come home energized.  Most nights I come home dead-tired.

As with the decision on whether to have 1 or more children, there are no clear-cut answers.  All I can do is present my experiences so you can make the best decision for you and your family.  Cheers as we ring in the New Year.  May 2010 be better than 2009!

 By Amelie Veegaet

I am questioning whether or not I should have another child. My first child Rose (now 3) was born with multiple birth defects.  I have never been able to find stories from families who decided to stop after one child because their first was born with medical issues. I feel our family is complete, but I feel pressure from Rose’s beloved grandmother. Grandma was a single child who says she suffered greatly from it.  I wonder if the fact that Grandma was adopted by a depressed and mentally ill woman did not have a greater impact on her suffering as a child.  Grandma would love for Rose to have a brother or sister and doesn’t miss an opportunity to remind us of how much better life would be for Rose if she had a sibling.

Each of my coworkers’ pregnancies triggers jealousy. I am not really sure why – I have two siblings, but we were never close. I am the oldest, and was in charge of taking care of them when they were kids. My mom received the same kind of pressure to have multiple children from her mom who was the oldest of 7. At the age of 20, tired of taking care of my siblings, I left the beautiful country of France where I was born and never went back. I maintain a good relationship with my mom and I am convinced that the long distance has something to do with it. : )

I love having a single child because of all the fun things I do with her that I didn’t do as a child. I like to discover books, music and art with her. I have taken the time to teach her French and she is now bilingual. She takes gymnastics and ballet lessons.

Our situation is a bit different because of the medical issues we deal with on a regular basis. When someone asks us why we are not trying to conceive, I feel like telling them to come and take care of Rose for a day. Maybe they would understand after 24 hours of handling a trach, gastrostomy tube, 13 doctors and surgeons, therapies…it is a full time job. Rose has a wonderful nurse that stays at home with her. I work full time and I need it – I feel refreshed when I go home at night. I love my job and it keeps me going, but I love my daughter more than anything else. I have fought for her to survive with all my soul. I feel like adding another child to the equation would throw me over the edge. But I want to turn down the jealous and guilty voices in my head. It is not easy…

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