The Only Child Option

I have been stymied over the last few years by the utter LACK of websites dedicated to only child parenting and realities of being an only child. NOW I know why – everyone is over at the only child discussion forums. LOL : )

I have spent the afternoon finding some active only child discussion forums, signing up and introducing myself. I am hoping some of the members come visit Only Child Option. The more people we have commenting and suggesting subject matter, the better we will be for everyone who stops by to visit. Here are a few to get you started:

Your Only Child at iVillage

Parents of an Only Child at SheKnows

Parents of Only Children at BabyCenter

Only Child Network at ProBoards

Have any other suggestions? Found some place where they really understand the only child dilemma? Tell us about it in the comments below!

What an eye-opener the last month has been for me…both as a parent and as a person. When I was growing up, I played softball in elementary school and then ran track and cross country through middle school, high school and college. Since I participated largely in individual sports, I never really seriously competed in a game where the object was to keep the ball away from an opponent.

Let’s face it. We spend years teaching our children how to share and not take things away from others. Then we send them out in the soccer field and tell them to steal the ball from the other team and run away with it! I can understand how this might be a little confusing for a 5 year old.

Being an only child further compounds the situation. Only children don’t have to fight for their toys – they are the only one there. Granted, Joshua has been in plenty of situations where he had to share, but always under supervision. If the kids started to fight when I was babysitting, I would only let it get so far before I intervened. Children with siblings have more opportunity to fight and “win” before mom and dad intervene. My brother and I tussled often and I quickly learned to defend my turf.

No worries, really. It has been a great experience. I can’t TELL you how wonderful it feels to see Joshua’s face light up when he blocks a ball or makes a solid kick. Encourage your children to try sports. It may not be for them, but they won’t know unless they try. I told Joshua from the beginning – we would finish this season out since he wanted to try it. Next season wold be 100% his choice. And who knows, “Joshie” just might like it!

I learned a very important lesson last week. I am not proud of how I CAME to my conclusion, but I thought sharing it might help some who haven’t gotten to organized sports with their kids yet (or maybe some who have, but are frustrated by a similar situation).

My son started playing with the local soccer club a few weeks ago. As a general rule, he is nervous in new situations. It is just his personality. I try to keep a positive outlook and nudge him forward. He is usually fine once he gets started, but with soccer, he ended up crying a few times each practice. There were 2 other kids crying intermittently also, so I started to think maybe we had a bad coach. I mean, soccer is supposed to instill a love of the game, not terror and frustration. I got myself all worked up, and was ready to confront him. I decided I would watch one more practice before saying anything.

I had an epiphany. It isn’t that the coach is bad – it is just that he is at the opposite end of the personality spectrum from my son. Joshua is shy and sensitive. The coach is confident and matter-of-fact. He has a lot to teach the kids. He is clearly an expert with plenty of experience. So at the end of practice, instead of confronting him on his “bad” coaching style, I asked him what I could do to help Joshua like soccer more. Joshua’s crying bouts had mostly been when someone would steal the ball away from him. The coach suggested I practice doing that at home so it would become an ok thing at practice. Joshua was fuming mad at me the first time I went out and tried it with him (his frustration on the field was tears, with me, it was anger). The second time it was more like a game (that’s what soccer IS). I will try again tonight and then practice is Tuesday. Here’s hoping and praying we don’t have anymore tears.

Thank goodness I didn’t open my big mouth and “roar” like a momma bear at the coach. His only fault is that is isn’t like my son. LOL

We are in a recession. The President says we are coming out of it slowly. I, for one, don’t buy it. I think it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. We made our decision to have just 1 child long before the Fed’s economic policy caught up with itself, but the numbers don’t lie. I ran several calculators online to estimate how much it costs to raise a child. Conservative estimates are $220,000 through age 18. Ouch. It is important to note, this number does not include private education or college.

Single-child families do increase during times of economic difficulty. There was a 23% rise in only-child families during the Great Depression. This recession is going to shape whether or not women decide to have children as well. Maybe for you the jury is still out. 44% of women polled recently say they plan to reduce or delay their childbearing because of the economy. You would not be alone.

But, you might ask, isn’t that selfish? Deciding whether or not to have children based on how much they cost – how unfeeling and wrong. I don’t think so. In order to take care of your child(ren) you must first take care of yourself. Everyone was quick to criticize Octomom, Nadya Suleman, because she gave birth to 14 children despite her inability to provide for their basic needs. Why shouldn’t everyone take financial resources into consideration when deciding how many children to have?

Here is another fantastic video by Dr. Sylvia Gearing.  She really has a firm grasp on only child parenting and can give you a balanced view of things to watch out for and things to do that will help you as you parent an only child: